I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize