woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
