There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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