And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
