one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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