If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
