he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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