My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
