He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found your dick twin last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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