i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
