I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
