if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
