did you get engaged???
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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