Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize