k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
