bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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