so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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