There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
