I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
