so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
