So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
