next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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