Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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