I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
