I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
