Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
