Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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