Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
