He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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