his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
