I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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