haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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