I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
