Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
