I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
