Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize