Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
