Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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