while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
