I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
