The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize