DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
