Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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