Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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