you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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