just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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