I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
