oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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