Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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