Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
