I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize