That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
