I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
