there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
