eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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