Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
