david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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