i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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