i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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