man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
