apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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