hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
