At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
