Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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