Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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