if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
