The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
