cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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