you turned your livingroom into a bong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
