I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
