An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
