ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
