idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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