Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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