As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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