Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
