my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
