from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
