I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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